I am so tired that I'm seeing dead relatives (some that I don't even like very much).
It was really nice for Frankie J that Cody came home for the weekend, but it turned out to be pretty rough on me. He is such a good Daddy that she had absolutely no desire to stick to our regular nap time routine. When it's just me, she goes down usually without a problem--when Cody is home she goes down, but pops right back up looking to party. I felt like I was playing with a "Jack in the Box."
The middle-of-the-night-wake-up-crying was the worst though. We're stuck in that weird place of "do we let her cry it out, or do we continue to foster attachment and go to her?" Cody wanted to let her cry it out but I just can't do it. Oh no...don't go thinking I'm so nice that I can't bear to hear my little girl upset, no...no...I can't do it because I CAN'T FREAKIN' SLEEP WITH ALL CRYING AND SCREAMING GOING ON!
In truth, there is a part of me that thinks we should continue to go to her for at least another month, then it will be 3 months that she's been with us. I'm just not ready to let her cry for too long yet. However, believe you me, faithful readers--when that day comes in one month, I'm going to buy her a baseball and a mitt because you know we gonna play some hardball. Oh yes, Ms. Frankie Jade, your days of room service are numbered. Yo mama needs her sleep!
It was really nice for Frankie J that Cody came home for the weekend, but it turned out to be pretty rough on me. He is such a good Daddy that she had absolutely no desire to stick to our regular nap time routine. When it's just me, she goes down usually without a problem--when Cody is home she goes down, but pops right back up looking to party. I felt like I was playing with a "Jack in the Box."
The middle-of-the-night-wake-up-crying was the worst though. We're stuck in that weird place of "do we let her cry it out, or do we continue to foster attachment and go to her?" Cody wanted to let her cry it out but I just can't do it. Oh no...don't go thinking I'm so nice that I can't bear to hear my little girl upset, no...no...I can't do it because I CAN'T FREAKIN' SLEEP WITH ALL CRYING AND SCREAMING GOING ON!
In truth, there is a part of me that thinks we should continue to go to her for at least another month, then it will be 3 months that she's been with us. I'm just not ready to let her cry for too long yet. However, believe you me, faithful readers--when that day comes in one month, I'm going to buy her a baseball and a mitt because you know we gonna play some hardball. Oh yes, Ms. Frankie Jade, your days of room service are numbered. Yo mama needs her sleep!
2 comments:
Hey,
I understand (really, I do) how hard it is to go to your child's every peep in the middle of the night. However, it really is necessary to form a proper attachment. This might sound extreme, but you need to answer her cries for a full twelve months. It may seem like you have a good bond, but for her to fully realize that you will NEVER LEAVE HER you have to be consistent for a year. I have done extensive attachment research and am also a psychologist. For Frankie Jade to know, without a doubt, that you are her mom and dad FOREVER you need to be there for her. Especially dad. I get the feeling that he is gone for long stretches of time, and he needs to especially cement his relationship and bond with her. I know it's hard, like I said before, but consider what your daughter has been through... Being abandoned by her first parents, living in an orphanage for almost a year with various nannies that came and went. She is now home with a forever family that will never leave her, but she doesn't know that...yet. That is why it's so important to teach her. That is what attachment is all about: forming a parent-child bond that you BOTH know will never end. When you let her cry alone at night (which I know you haven't done...good for you!) she will wonder if you have left her forever like everyone else in her life. In the U.S. most babies are ready to "cry it out" by her age. It is known as "spoiling" a child if you go to their every need. But the thing we need to remember with our adopted kiddos is that they are not your typical American kid. Their needs have not been met from day one and there has not been a constant person in their life. Sorry this got so long, but I had a lot to say. :-) It sounds like you're doing an awesome job. Motherhood is HARD work!!!
Take care,
Beth
JWB,
I'm not an expert - only another mama who HAD to get some sleep. Our little one has been with us for about 4 months now and we've had to do a modified CIO only a couple of times. It worked like a charm and she goes down pretty well now. I will caveat by saying that I do rock her to sleep every chance I get - mostly because I love the time with her in my arms. DH does not, however, and she goes down fine (maybe even better) for him.
What I will not do is take her out of the crib after I've put her down. Sometimes she'll wake when I lay her down and I'll stay with her a few minutes and then leave. If she continues crying then I let her cry for 5 minutes or so before going back in to pat her belly. I don't interact with her beyond that and never pick her up. I'll stay for a few minutes and then leave. If she cries again then I'll go back in 8-10 minutes and go through the same thing. Wash, rinse, repeat but lengthen the time slightly between going back in to her.
Only once did she fuss for more than 10 minutes or so. I ended up sitting on the floor beside her crib so she could see me and she finally settled down and went to sleep.
I would never leave DD if she were really worked up, but as a first time parent I was really bad about running to her at the slightest fuss or cry. Once I got over this life became much easier.
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