Baby Steps

Today was supposed to be Frankie's first full day of daycare.

I love Frankie's daycare. It's a home daycare and the woman that owns it is FAB-OO.

I have taken Frankie over there a few times (I stayed too) so she can get used to the environment and the vibe. She loves it. Not for one second did I worry that she wasn't going to love it. It's flippin' daycare: You play inside, you play outside, you nap, you eat, you snack. What's not to love? Sign me up!

The plan was to drop FJ off from 8:00 A.M. to 3:00 P.M. today. I solidified the plan with the owner, I sent her an outline of Frankie's schedule, I got a bag of Frankie's "stuff" all ready--I was set.

Until last night.

I got to thinking..."Is she really ready to eat breakfast, take a nap, and then eat lunch with people she doesn't know that well yet?" Yes, we've been there 3 or 4 times, but only for snippets of time. Is that enough? Frankie may be the happiest kid this side of the The Mississippi, but the truth of the matter is she was just adopted from a different country and she's been through a lot in the last three months. It has taken us awhile to get her little Frankie-ism's down, are other people ready for that?

Will they know that if she acts like she's not in the mood for oatmeal, all you have to do is put a cheerio on top of the spoonful, do the secret meal-time song, and that usually works? Will she be OK at nap time even though she won't be in her own crib? Will they know the little maneuvers you have to do with the sippy cup to get her to even THINK about taking a sip of water? --and even then she still only takes one to three sips!

Yes, I put this all in a note, but will they REALLY know these things?

Are they ready for Frankie?
Is Frankie ready?

HELLO???? AM I READY?

I decided late last night that I would take Frankie over after lunch instead of at 8:00 A.M. That way she could eat breakfast with me, nap at home and eat lunch with me before going. It was the right move. I felt very good about my decision. I think all day would have been too much. I think she needs to do daycare as she has done everything else--slowly.

I never thought I would be the Mom who wanted to spend the whole day with my kid, but as we were eating lunch today, it dawned on me just how much I was going to miss her. I was shocked. I mean really, what do we have in common? We don't like the same shows and she's not into fashion mags, we don't have much to talk about since she doesn't speak any language that I've ever heard of, and I'm constantly wiping her ass and her nose. What's the lure?

In a million years, I never thought I would have a hard time letting go. I was wrong. It was heartwrenching. I don't mind divulging that I cried all the way to work after dropping her off. (Thankfully I am not wearing eye make-up right now because I have some weird eye infection--probably from something Frankie gave me).

I know daycare is the best thing for Frankie because it will not only strengthen her social skills, but she will undoubtedly thrive in the positive, fun and supportive environment the caretakers have created. I also know in the end it will be the best thing for me because I will be able to work a fair amount of hours, and then I will then be able to give my full attention to Frankie. (Plus I'll have the cash to continue leaving big tips for all the food she throws around at restaurants).

I know all of these things to be true.
But just as it will take some time for Frankie to ease into it, it seems that I'm going to need some time too.